I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
