Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
