Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
