my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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