I think I am morally bankrupt
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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