***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
