I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
