And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
