After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
