Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
