even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
