Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
