You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
