my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
