Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
