I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
