He uses pillows to masturbate.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
