He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
