I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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