There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize