the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
