dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
