This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
