He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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