bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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