So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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