just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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