He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
