My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
