You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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