in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
