got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
