You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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