Pappa wants mamma naked
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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