could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
