and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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