walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
