Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
