I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
