i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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