He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There r osticjed everywhere
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
