____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
