I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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