Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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