i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We need to get me chipped asap
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
