put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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