Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
