you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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