Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
