Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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