How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
