dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
