Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just invented taco cereal.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
