i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
