Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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