if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize