I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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