Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
