The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Sober January is a disaster.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
