It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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