Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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