worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
