just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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