I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My feet surprised me
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