Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
