Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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