So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
