that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
