i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
im on a boat
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