Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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