I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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