im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
