I love black thongs
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
