Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
