She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
