if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
