I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
