my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I skipped work to stalk him.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
