He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
