a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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