no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
