I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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