do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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