If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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