I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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