I think i peed on brittanys purse
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
