I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
