We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
