My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
