The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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