A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Operation Purity has been aborted
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
