You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
