so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
do nipples grow back?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
