she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
