Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
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